From ecstasy to agony and recovery
My addiction journey along with the alcohol is from ecstasy to Agony. It began with a glamorous start, when I used to drink in my college days about 15 years back. It made me feel like a MACHO MAN, the slight trip of high gave me a look, of a rebellious person which was in then. I could ask any girl for a dance when I was a peg down. It gave me a wondering feeling when I would gulp a glass of been at one go. I felt like a MAN doing things, like they did in the movies. I remember on all boys picnic where I drank Cocktail and the last thing I remember was I yelling out of a brothel. I have no clue what I did or what actually happened. The next day I woke up to have another drink for this symptom called on hangover. On New Years Eve once I messed up my self, when I did crazy things such was told to me, when I passed out in my friends bedroom we were suppose to stay, as his parents had let us be there all night by ourselves in good faith. since then I have never been to his house. I have lost count as to how many times did I puke. I always tried to defend my self saying those were teen days and everyone does crazy things like this in their life. But it ended there after college I never drank until I found work.
I was such a naive then drinking at office parties, that I use to have Scotch with Thumps up. I know you may call me stupid but then after a huge gap and tasting real bitter alcohol it was okay. I use to drink a peg or two and I would feel like I am walking on a smooth road with secure beauty around and also talking to big wigs in Business. Well such lavish parties were rare in those days. As responsibilities increased so did the hole in my pocket but my observation for that feeling did not die and soon the smooth huge road which was nothing but just sinking sand. But soon realised that no matter what make, what kind, or where, without that, bottle I could not function anymore. The cancer of alcohol had its paws all over me. I began to realize that I have to live with it and so as has to my Family. I had made up my mind that I am going to take this bottle along with me in the grave. I could see the sad faces of my family members mourning over me and to distract myself from that scene I gotdrunk again, I had no hopes left until a ray of light came into my life … MUKTANGAN.
At Muktangan de-addiction center, I spent 35 long days which later on I left were short. Imagine a person who use to drink from dawn to dusk, di not touch a single drop of alcohol. Impossible right, so did I think but it actually worked, Isolated from all the problems, botherations, life seemed very good and nice I had people to take care of me 24 hours 7 days a week. I had counselors, doctors, seminars, debates the works. Along with physical I also got mental treatment slowly I regained my lost confidence,I began to wonder, well I was here secured and that’s the reason I did not have drinks, but what will happen when I get back who the big bad world ? will I be able to cope up ? will I slip ? the fears haunted me and that is when I got my break through,my Counselor told me that the jittery Butterfly in the stomach is not fear but anxiety. It gave me a channel to think about it and differentiate between the two.
Today I am in this big bad world, fighting all odds and temptations. Overcoming my jitters with the help and support of MUKTANGAN. I learnt & realized that each day is a new day and each challenge is a new one if put into practise with well planned efforts. Though its premature at this stage, but the confidence built in me and regular follow ups. Help me to cope with those crises that I cannot handle.