Tushar's Recovery Testimony
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What an exhilarating and eventful journey it has been. Finding joy in giving, instead of in snatching – what a transformation. I truly am grateful to everyone who made this possible.
It is pointless going into the war stories of the using days. I guess they are more or less the same for all of us recovering addicts. Blocked veins, stealing, lying, obsessed with only one thought – how to get the next dose, on the streets, no self–esteem, no values et al.
One thing I just cannot figure out is why did it take me seventeen years to take the steps needed to recover. I had been to rehabs and Narcotic Anonymous meetings and knew what I had to do to find recovery, but it took me a long time to get on the path. The 27th April 1995 evening is still vividly etched in my mind. I had gone to Bangalore, looking for a job. There I ran out of money, could not find stuff, was sick with pushing Fortwin and smoking pot. I used the last of my money to buy a bus ticket back to Pune. And as there was still time for the bus to depart, I went to a serene shady spot overlooking a lake at nearby Lalbaug.
It was there that I went through a flashback of my using life and wept inconsolably. That was when I truly went on my knees and surrendered to a Higher Power. Since that moment I have not had the urge to use. What a paradox – Victory in accepting defeat! There is so much truth in the N.A./A.A. philosophy
Whenever I am feeling low or dejected, I remind myself that I have no reason to feel low, because the logical end to my using ways was – Death or Insanity or Institutionalization. Instead I have a chance to enjoy life at its fullest.
Thank you God! And heart felt thanks to all the people working to help people like me! What a joy it is to be able to travel and pursue meaningful interests. Recovery has made all this possible.